Why Are There So Many Idiots On Language Exchanges?

Languages exchanges can be fun and a cool way to practice your language skills, but they are far from perfect.

It doesn’t matter what website or app you use for your language exchange, it will not take you long to realise that there are a lot of idiots out there and it can make the whole experience quite annoying.  

I am sure this is not what you want to hear, but I will go through some of the reasons why this is the reality and it will hopefully make you realise why this happens, but more importantly, that it’s not everyone.

There are still some decent humans on these apps that will help you and are worth talking to. 

Language Exchanges Are An Easy Place To Meet People

I think it’s important to first look at how the platform itself is designed in a way that you will meet people.

The core concept of language exchanges is that you can message a stranger. That’s not seen as weird and it’s basically expected that you will get messages like this and reply to them.

If we compare this to more traditional social media it is very different. Most messages you get on social media are from your close friends and maybe a few people you sort of know …but usually there isn’t much interaction with complete strangers.

You will also find that if a random person does try and message you on social media, you ignore them. Sure there public groups and public posts and what not, but in general your interaction with strangers is the complete opposite compared to a language exchanges.

This does just mean you are going to get a lot of messages on language exchanges from both normal people and idiots. The system is designed to put strangers together and as you will see from below, that means some idiots are going to come your way.  

(You can read more about – What Are Language Exchange Partners?)

You Can be Anonymous On Language Exchanges

We also must remember that language exchanges are the internet, so there can be some anonymity at play. Anyone can join a language exchange and they don’t really need to prove who they are to join.

There is also the fact that you probably don’t personally know anyone on there. It’s not like facebook where all your distance family members are going to see your account; you can be yourself and still be fairly anonymous from your real world persona.

All this starts to add up to make it a very easy environment for people to be an idiot and not have to be accountable for it. 

People Are Selfish

One of the main types of idiots on language exchanges are the selfish people. They are on there for their own gains and they couldn’t care less about you.

These are the people who will basically not see you as a person, you are just a tool to them. This can be quite mild and may just be that they only want to talk in your native language, meaning they get a lot of practice, while you get none, or they can get pretty extreme and start asking you to do some crazy stuff like write essays for them and just generally try and get you to do their homework.

Of course you can argue that a lot of this comes down to setting boundaries and this will certainly help the problem, but the fact people will act this way in the first place shows they are idiots and have no real respect for others.

If you do get someone like this, try and make it clear that you can’t just do all their work for them and also that you want to have some practice speaking their native language too.

You will pretty quickly find out if they are respectful, or go into full idiot mode and get angry. Once you recognise people as being selfish, just distance yourself from them, you will get nothing from them.

People Don’t Know How To Hold A Conversation

I’ve done a lot of language exchanges and a general theme I have found is  that most people do not know how to have a conversation, let alone keep one going.

I understand a lot of this is down to the language barrier or people being a bit distrusting of strangers on the internet …but a lot of it is also down to a complete lack of social skills.

The fact that 90 something percent of conversations start with just “hi” or a slightly longer “how, how are you” or “hi, can we be friends” just shows people have no real social skills.

What is anyone supposed to reply back to this type of message, apart from “hi” …and while that can be fine; the issue is that there is no follow up. I expect the next message to be something interesting, a question, or something about themselves or at least related to something in my bio …but no, it never is.

These types of conversation are dead before they even start. They are so frustrating and I would imagine the real life experience would be equally as bland.

If you are going to start a conversation, at least try and be someone engaging and even if you are not the best at knowing what to talk about, at least give the other person something to work with.    

People Are Bored and Want You To Entertain Them

I think there are a good number of people on these sites who just want to be entertained. Maybe they are bored, or lonely, but basically they are not too interested in wanting to learn a language and just want to chat.

Sometimes this can be okay, as they might only speak their native language, giving you plenty of practice, but I also feel a lot of the “hi” people fall into this category. A lot of the conversations I have with these people just scream “entertain me” they have started with their hi, and then expect you to do all the work to keep the conversation flowing.

They just want to be entertained and put no effort in, but of course this is mixed with an inability to have a conversation in the first place, so you end up with a very one worded, boring chat that I am sure you have all experienced.  

People (Men) Are Creeps

I think it is safe to say that if you are a woman, you will have experienced creeps on language exchanges.

This problem is huge and I know pretty much 99% of woman on these sites will have received messages, usually with pictures too that are sexual in nature which they really did not want.

This is really not cool, these sites are to learn languages, not for being sleazy. I am sure this all comes down to being bored, while being anonymous and also a mixed with a bit of being selfish too.

These men can go on here and harass ladies for their own pleasure and no one really knows who they are.

It seems to be a serious problem and to be honest I don’t really know what the solution is, but I hope there is one. Guys like this make it extremely hard for men who are genuinely trying to learn a language. A lot of woman will just refuse to reply to any male as they assume they will be sent inappropriate messages.     

Some People Are Looking For Love

You do have some people (mainly men again) who seem to use language exchanges as dating apps. They do seem to be genuinely looking for a partner, but of course going about it in the wrong way.

Some of these guys are just the creeps I’ve already mentioned, but some do want to actually have real relationships. However, they seem to forget that most people are using these sites to learn a language, so this ends in a bit of a mismatch and things get weird.

Some of these guys are looking for foreign wives from exotic locations while others are looking to get themselves a visa, either way, it’s weird and they should be using sites that are designed for this, not hijacking language learning sites.

However, I have heard that Japanese people will use hellotalk as a dating app …because they think it would be shameful to use tinder.

That is probably the strangest thing I have ever heard, but it does make sense why 99.99% of Japanese girls have “no romance wanted” in their bio. They just want to learn English or whatever and instead are being asked out on dated by local men.

People Don’t Live In The Real World

When you put all of the above together, you usually end up with someone who does not live in the real world, they live in some weird reality where whatever going on in their head, they think is real.

Some people think it’s acceptable to creep, or that they will find a wife or just think you are there to keep them company when they are bored.

I think a lot of people forget that they are dealing with real people, with real lives. Language exchanges are not some computer game, they are real people and they deserve respect and a lack of understanding this is how we end up with a lot of idiots on there.

If we all took a step back and remembered that a real person is on the other side, then maybe we would have less problems.

Scammers Are A Problem On Language Exchange

Scammers are also found on language exchanges. I guess they pray on the fact that you can be anonymous while talking to strangers who are likely to reply.

I think there are a few different types of scammers, you will have the classic love traps, where they try and seduce you then get money from you, but these are rare.

The main type of scam seems to be trying to get you off the app and onto something else, such a whatsapp. I am not really sure why this is. I think it is mostly just to get your personal details and then sell the data on.

However, it is often to try and get you to invest in something, which of course means stealing your money …or they try and get you to join porn sites, again to probably to steal your money.  

I know the websites try and shut these accounts down, but they are relentless at times. They are the biggest idiots though, mainly as they are so clearly not real people. It only takes about 30 seconds to work out they are a fake account and you can ignore them.

Just remember to be careful who you are talking to and if it seems funny, walk away.

Ghosting is Common On Language Exchange

One of the most frustrating things on language exchange is the ghosting. I’ve had plenty of really good conversations with people, for weeks …and then they just vanish. 

It’s going to happen, and if you if you get angry about this, then you are the idiot. I can’t lie, I hate it, but it will happen. You have to remember that you are talking to a real person and they have a whole life outside of language exchanges so you have no idea what is going on and they don’t owe you anything.

Maybe they have some sort of life crisis, or maybe just they just can’t be bothered with language learning, or maybe they are sick of all the idiots who keep messaging them or the fact that there inbox is swamped with hundreds of messages in general.

I can see how languages exchanges can get overwhelming so I’m not surprised people just vanish off them.

It’s frustrating as I honestly thought that I have been building a bond with these people, and that we were becoming friends, but then maybe they didn’t feel the same way. Maybe I was just entertaining them for a while or they didn’t see me as real person, who knows.

I do feel if you want to leave the site, but have made a strong bond, you should ask the person to speak outside of the app or at least explain to them why you are leaving. But of course that never happens.

 It’s just easier to delete the app and carry on with your life, so that is exactly what they do. 

You Won’t Click With Everyone You Meet

I think it is also important to remember that you will not click with everyone you talk to. The person you are talking to may be very normal and genuine, but you just don’t get along.

This is totally normal and it’s okay. Maybe you have nothing in common or just have a clash of personality.

If this happens, it’s okay just don’t talk to them, you don’t owe each other anything. You can respectfully end you conversation and find someone else to talk to.  

There Are Normal People on Language Exchanges

While I have gone through all the idiots above, there are still some normal people out there. Maybe they are in the minority, but they do exist.

If you talk to enough people you will start to find a few gems. You will find people who want to have a fair exchange of languages and are actually interesting and worth your time and effort. You can make friends from these sites and while the idiots will get in the way, you can easily avoid them, or at least let their impact on you be minimal.

Keep the faith, language exchanges can be worth it.

(You can read more about – What Are The Benefits Of Having A Language Exchange Partner?)

Conclusion

So as you can see language exchanges are full of all sorts of different types of idiots. You will come across them all and they are annoying, but just don’t give them your time and it will be fine.

You will very quickly start to see the patterns of these people and can then you swiftly ignore them.

These types of sites are still worth your time, but you will need to do a little bit of idiot management to really get the benefits and have a good experience.   

(You can read more about – Frequently Asked Questions About – Language Exchange Partners)