What Are Japanese People Really Like?

If you are learning Japanese, you probably want to make friends with Japanese people and spend time in Japan …but what are the Japanese people actually like?

The truth is they are different to us in the west, but that isn’t a bad thing. I do think some people can struggle with this, but once you see what they are really like and actually see the world through their eyes and culture, they are really awesome.

I will go through some things I have noticed after talking to a lot of Japanese people, which will hopefully help you out, these are going to be pretty broad strokes, but you will notice things when you talk to enough Japanese people.

Japanese People Can Be Shy

You will hear that Japanese people are shy, and they will often say this themselves. There is some truth to this, but I don’t think this is the right word for it …but I also don’t know how to describe it.

They are not actually shy, but they do sure seem to have a lot of the same traits. You will notice little things like how they don’t really talk to strangers, it’s not because they are shy, it’s just how they do things.

The whole concept of small talk in a shop for example, just hasn’t entered their brain (or culture), so when we see them not doing it, we think they are shy, but it’s more just how they interact (or in this case don’t interact) with each other within their society.   

You just have to look at an onsen or public bath to see they are not shy, as it is expected for you to be full naked and it is usually westerners who feel shy here.

They Are Very Respectful

One the first things you will start to notice about the Japanese is that they are extremely respectful and this can be seen across all different aspects of the society.

For us as language learner, the obvious place to spot this is within their language. You have the whole informal and formal language and the different levels of politeness and we will also usually see this how they bow as a sign of respect.

If you pay attention, they have different bows, both in terms of how far the bend over and how long they stay there and all this revolves around the amount of respect they are trying to show. 

You will then notice other little small things, like how they don’t make noise on the train as they are considerate to other people around  them, or how they don’t wear dirty shoes inside. You will also notice that they don’t walk and eat at the same time, so they can avoid making a mess as they go, as well as not littering in general.

This really only the tip of the iceberg, there is an endless amount of these little things they do to show respect to each other and the things around them.

The Japanese Will Do Anything To Avoid Controversy

You can also see how Japanese people are respectful in what they say, or more importantly what they don’t. They will nearly always try and avoid speaking badly of things and really they will do a lot to avoid controversy.

This can be a little annoying at times as you can get a feeling like they are not expressing their true opinion on things.

The classic example of this is how anything and everything they eat is “おいしい” it can feel like they will never say something is bad, as they don’t want to upset the chef as such.

They Can Seem Quite Closed Off

Carrying on from the respectful nature of the Japanese, you will find that this can lead them to appear quite closed off and distant.

I sort of touched on this before how they like to avoid controversy, which really ends up meaning you don’t get to hear their true thoughts on things.

You will often hear that the Japanese have three voices, the first being the public voice, which is the respectful opinions you will all hear. Then there is one for very close friends and family voice where you might hear a little criticism and things are more informal …then you have the secret internal voice, where they keep all their true opinions on things. 

I don’t know how true that actually is, but I think for a lot of people, this is very real. There does seem to be a bit of stigma around the whole concept of saying what you really think and I do believe that those with a controversial opinion do keep it to themselves.

This does also leads to people kind of not really saying what they mean, and you get a lot of indirect talk, if that makes sense. Instead of “I don’t like this” you will hear “I prefer this other thing” and you sort of have to infer from that what they actually mean.

It’s Physical Too

The Japanese can also seem quite physically distant too, you will not see the hugging or shaking hands with each other, this again comes back to being respectful and they just respect each other’s physical boundaries.

I am not sure if it has been studied, but I do wonder if Japanese give each other more personal space than other places when talking, I feel like they probably do.

However, saying all this …カンチョ is very real. If you don’t know what “kancho” is, you are in for a shock. This is when you put both your hands together and they stick out your index fingers, to kind of form a gun shape …then you basically try and poke someone in the bum with this.

This is just a little joke kids play on each other and you will adults doing it too, and it’s all totally normal. Most of us are going to look on that and be very confused, but that is how they look at us when we shake hands, we are just both different. 

They Are Actually Really Nice

I really do think the vast majority of Japanese people are just really nice. They are different, but ultimately they are still very good people. You will hear countless examples of them going really out of their way to help a foreigner who is lost for example.

They may seem distant and cold at times but under all of that, they are rally genuinely kind and helpful and warm hearted people.  

Friends and Friendliness

I think a good area where you can see both of these contrasts of being nice and cold at the same time is with friendship.

To the Japanese, being a friend and being friendly are not the same thing. There is a sort of societal expectation that you will be friendly towards anyone who you interact with (which again probably comes back to the whole being respectful thing) but this does not mean they are your friend.

A lot of people who move to Japan will think they are making friends, but the reality is that the Japanese person is only being friendly and at most they see you as just an acquaintance.

I think this can really throw us off, as generally we are only friendly with people we like, and when the Japanese don’t always act in the same way it confuses us.

A lot of Japanese people have friend groups they have had their whole life and more importantly, they are not going to invite you into that circle, as they see you as something different and this is usually when the westerners feel slighted.

That is certainly not their intention, they just see you as an acquaintance they are friendly towards, not a friend. You will see this awfully cold, where as they don’t.

There Is A Societal Hierarchy

You also need to remember that there is a lot of hierarchy within Japanese society which I am certainly not an expert in, but it is important to understand this exists.

This can often be seen through the language being used, but it is usually more than this and you may find that they are still friendly with you …but you may be seen as “lower class” as such, this is going to be especially true if you are working somewhere, where your superiors will still be very much seen as socially superior as such. This can also revolve around age too, so even if you are not working, you can still see these dynamics play out.

I really wish I could explain this better, but it is such a complex thing and as a foreigner I will never truly be able to grasp this fully, but it very much engrained into Japanese society.

They Are Hardworking

When it comes to work, the Japanese are extremely hard working and proud of what they do and they always try and do it to the best of their ability.

If you look at any Japanese product, the work ethic can always been seen, there is just a very high standard and quality to everything they do.

However, this work ethic has resulted in quite a toxic environment. They are expected to work long hours and basically dedicate everything to their company and any slips up in this can cause them to feel a lot of shame and they can almost be outcast for messing up.

You hear all sorts of horrendous stories of people killing themselves over stress at work and it seems like it is a bit of a taboo subject.

I try and talk to Japanese people about this, and of course they try and dodge the controversial elements, but I think deep down they all know this workplace culture is not ideal, but at the same time they are not going to say anything about it.

Personally I wouldn’t want anything to do with this, the life of a salaryman does not seem fun to me and would be too draining on many levels, but it is a common phenomenon that a lot of Japanese people face. 

They Are Not All Stereotypes

I think it is also important that everything have said so far is very broad and verging on “stereotypical” and while some stereotypes are born from truth, it’s not how every Japanese person is.

You will find that many do not conform to anything have discussed above, or the other countless stereotypes I have not touched on.

The cultural differences can make them seem very different, but really people are just people, no matter where they come, from which means we are all different in many ways, and the same in others.

Of course you will find just as many vile, perverted individuals in Japan as you will anywhere else in the world, but I honestly think the majority of the country is full of really good people.

I would happily go live there, and be surrounded by them. I would need to slightly adjust myself to fit into their culture, but I don’t think that would be a problem, and in fact might be very good for me.

Conclusion

Hopefully that gives you a bit of a clearer imagine of what Japanese people are like. When you start talking to them on language exchanges you will now be prepared for the little differences you might spot and this will hopefully allow you to better connect with who you are speaking with.

The Japanese are great, just accept them for who they are and you can’t go wrong.  

(If you are looking to learn Japanese, you can follow my plan – Learn Japanese – The Plan For A Complete Beginner)