How Do You Start Talking To A Language Exchange Partner On An App?

Starting a conversation with a language exchange partner can seem like a daunting task, but it shouldn’t be.

Yes, you are now trying to talk to a stranger …in a different language, but it is really nothing to get stressed about. The whole experience should be a lot of fun and of course beneficial to your studies.

I will go through some things you should consider before trying to start a conversation ….as well as some things you should avoid, which should hopefully put your mind at ease and make the whole process successful.      

Make Sure Your Profile Is Complete

Before you even start to have a conversation you need to make sure own profile is complete. You need to actually write about yourself and have decent pictures.

No one wants to talk to a picture of a cat with no information in their bio. I know you are shy, but you need to do this. You need to show you are genuine.

Be truthful about what you write in your profile (and of course in your messages too) this is going to make sure you are more likely to connect with some like minded people and you will have a better experience overall.

(You can read more about – What Are The Best Apps For Language Exchanges?)

What Language Should You Speak When Starting A Language Exchange?

What language you message a new exchange partner in really depends on your level, and theirs.

You should be able to tell form their bio what level they are at and then you can work from that.

Personally I like to have a mix of both their language and mine. This shows I am learning their language and I am serious about it, but I also want to show them I am willing to speak English to help them practice too.

I usually introduce myself in their language, so they can find out who I am, making sure that there will be no communication issues with that. I then go on to ask them a question in my language, which should allow them to get some practice.

This mix also helps set out that I am happy to use both languages and it kind of sets the tone for the whole exchange, suggesting both languages should be used. I find if you just go in with one language the whole conversation tends to just stay in that language and while that may benefit you, you should try and make things fair.

(You can read more about – Are Language Exchange Partners An Effective Way To Learn A Language?)

Be Prepared To Lead The Conversation

If you are going to start messaging people then you need to be prepared to lead the conversation. You started the conversation and you want to speak to this person, so you need to actually put in some work and keep it going.

You will need to be ready to ask questions and gets some sort of discussion going and be entertaining. I am sure the other person will also put their fair share in, but you can’t expect them to do everything.  

Introduce Yourself

When you decide to message someone, introduce yourself. Say who you are and why you want to talk to them, which means show them that you have read their profile and you feel you might have some common interests and could actually connect over some topics.

Literally mention something from their profile and how you agree with that or like something similar.

You do run the risk of making it sounds like some sort of sales pitch on why you should be talking to you, but keep things natural and it shouldn’t sound too weird.

Ask Them Question

A very easy way to get a conversation going is to ask a question. If we combine this with what I just mentioned above about introducing yourself, you should have a lot of success.

A question is extremely powerful as it gives the person a reason to reply, it is the simplest way to start a conversation.

The reality is that you do not know this person, the only information you have is in their profile (which is exactly why you need to fill in it). This means you need to look at what they have written and hopefully there is something you have in common. You can then mention this, but take it further and ask about something around this, that isn’t covered in the profile.

So for example, let’s say they write that they love watching Disney movies …and so do you. But that is all they have written. You can then mention that you also love them and say what your favourite movie is and then …ask them what their favourite is.

If they really do love Disney, then they should be more than happy to talk about this and then hopefully you can start a conversation from there.

If you are not too sure about what to mention or ask about …mention languages. You will always have that in common with them. You can ask thousands of questions around this and you will of course be able to give your reasons why you are learning their language.

Personally I try and go for questions around language learning, that’s why we are both on the app, so it’s an easy topic to talk about with a total stranger. I guess it’s kind of like when you are actually somewhere in real life and start talking to a stranger, you sometimes use the place you are at as a conversation starter …we are just on an app, so use that as the conversation starter.

(You can read more about – Frequently Asked Questions About – Language Exchange Partners)

Be Respectful

I’ve personally always found language exchanges full of decent people, but I know other people have had some interactions with some disrespectful people, so I know they are there and there is no need for that.

Always try and be respectful to whoever you are talking to, even if they ignore you. I have heard a lot of stories of people getting a little angry when they don’t have their message replied to, and I’ve even heard of people being annoyed that they haven’t been replied too fast enough.

You have to respect people. If they don’t want to reply you …move on, find someone who will. You don’t need to get angry at them. The same goes for trying to rush them, you need to respect their time. They may be doing other things in their life and cant reply so quickly, they may also just not be very good at the language and need time to think about what to write.

…just show some respect. Always remember that these people do not owe you anything, so respect their decision to talk to you or not.   

Be Kind

Another thing you should be on a language exchanges is kind. You don’t know this person’s life or their culture.

You also don’t know how difficult it is for them to speak the language, so be kind and give them time and understand that they may be shy or make mistakes.

Trying to have a conversation with someone in a different language is not easy, so show some kindness.

Treat it Like A Real Life Conversation

Really the best advice I can give you for starting a conversation on a language exchange is to just act like it is a conversation in real life.

Just treat it like you bumped into this person in the street. If that happened, what would you say, what would talk about? A lot of the same principles can be applied to language exchanges, at the end of the day you are talking a real person, you are just not face to face on a street.

Also think about how you would act if you met them in real life, you would be respectful and kind like I have already discussed.

If you go into these conversations with this mindset you should be okay, you are not going to be too weird or overly familiar with them, which is common mistake I see all the time.

Go With The Flow

A large part of language exchanges is just about going with the flow. You don’t need to get too caught up in what topics you need to talk about or do things a certain way.

Every conversation will be different, people will respond differently and you just have to go with the flow and try and enjoy the conversation.

The goal is of course to get some practice with your language, but you need to be enjoying it too. The more fun it is, the more you will both want to keep talking and keep practicing, so just let things evolve naturally.

Take Your Time

I also think that it is important to not rush things and just take your time. Starting a conversation with a stranger can be daunting, but just take your time to reply and slowly get to know them while practicing your language skills.

Just go at a speed that is comfortable for you and have some fun. If you do language exchanges properly they are extremely rewarding and a lot of this comes down to just taking your time and getting to know the person and finding out more about them the language you are learning.

What You Should Not Say When Starting A Language Exchange

I think it is important to cover some things you should not be saying. Talking to someone new on a language exchange isn’t difficult, but for some reason too many people make these stupid mistakes and then become frustrated that they are not having any good conversations.  

Don’t Just Say Hi

Too many people send really basic messages with just “Hi” or something similar like “Hi, how are you” …”Hi, can be we friends, or …“Hi can you teach me English”

Nobody will reply to these. No one knows what to even say back to a message like this. You don’t know this person, why would they suddenly be your friend or teach you something? Why would they even tell you how they are? You don’t know them and you are not offering them any reason to reply.

A message like this just screams “I don’t know how to start a conversation and I want you do to all the work” … this is why no one replies to this.

Don’t Be A Creep

This one is mainly for the guys, but please …please! Stop being creepy. You can message a girl, that’s fine, but you don’t know her. You can’t just start calling her babe, or princess or whatever other nonsense. You also don’t need to tell her how beautiful she is!

You are on a language exchange site, she wants help with her language and apparently you do to! Stop treating these sites like some kind of dating site.

You should also stop asking for their social media, they don’t want you looking through all their facebook photos …they want help with language learning …this is why they are on a language learning app.

Use the app for its intended purpose or leave.

(You can read more about – Why Are There So Many Idiots On Language Exchanges?)

Conclusion

Hopefully now you should feel more confident about how to start a language exchange. There really is nothing to worry about; just treat it like you are talking to someone you have met out in public and you can’t really go wrong.

Once you have a few successful exchanges you will feel a lot more confident and you will have no trouble starting some more.

Just enjoy yourself and have some fun, if you focus on that you will get a lot out of them, you will be practicing your language skills and you won’t even realise as you will just enjoying talking to people.

(You can read more about – How Many Language Exchange Partners Do You Need?)